Just keep it in your pants – Affair proofing your relationship.

When I come across articles that claim to help affair proof a marriage/relationship I can’t help but laugh. These articles are just as entertaining as those that I’ve read back in the day that suggested 9 ways to make better orgasms, 99 sex moves, how to tell he’s the one or how to have a fail proof relationship.

Honestly, there’s absolutely no way to fully affair proof your relationship unless you keep your penis in your pants, keep your vagina to yourself and only expose your goods to your partner but if that doesn’t work out for you. Stay single.

It’s a crap shoot, really.

So, I came across this article called 9 Steps to Affair Proof your Marriage by Beth Kramer. In it she gives helpful tips (which she probably found in Marriage for Dummies) that would keep your partner from straying. Truthfully, I thought her tips were kind of monotonous. 

Address problems with your partner. When we don’t talk about what’s bothering us, we tend to want to find someone’s shoulder to cry on. Be careful about discussing your grievances over and over again with someone who isn’t your partner.

This is all well and good if your partner listens. Half the time I’ve been met with glazed over eyes, they devalue what I say or they have an expression on their face as though I’m speaking to them in some sort of alien dialect.

When the wasband(s) and I sought marriage counseling this was the same advice we were told….but here’s the thing, shoulder or no shoulder if the person wants to stray the person is going to stray.

In the end, the cheater will embellish their troubles at home painting their spouse as a two-headed monster, lazy, neglectful or they closed up shop down yonder and nine times out of ten will state that they are separated, living apart or divorced. 

Be involved in your partner’s life. If a wife (or husband) has frequent dinner or late night meetings with business associates, why not suggest “Let’s all have dinner together?” adds Dr. Saltz. “Keep your partner abreast of what’s going on and let her or him know you’re interested.”

Yeah, I don’t see this happening. Maybe it can happen but I bet that those “dinners” or “late night meetings” will cancel once you suggest that you want to tag along…..but give it a shot and let me know how it goes.

Watch out for that second or third cocktail. If you’re on a business trip with the “work spouse,” avoid that extra glass or wine or martini. Drinking can lower inhibitions. If you’re disgruntled with your partner, have had a few drinks and it’s midnight, it’s easy to share you’re miserable when there’s someone there.

Hahaa, this reminds me of someone who had a little bit too much to drink during our work Christmas party and ended up locking lips with a co-worker while their spouses were in another room.  

*Know your limit

Be honest with yourself. Dr. Saltz notes, “If you want to look nice when you get together with so-and-so, touch the other person or say things you wouldn’t be saying if your spouse were there, that may be a hint you’re crossing the line.”

Boundaries are important. Just think about how you would you feel if your significant other behaved in the same manner you do. If you find yourself shrugging it off like it’s no big deal than I suggest you just say adios to the relationship, well unless you’re in a very open marriage and that sort of thing is okay.

Keep the home fires stoked. Feeling desired may increase a woman’s libido. Engage with your partner to make sure she feels wanted and knows that you’re still attracted to her. Since the brain loves novelty, it’s easy to get sidetracked by the new guy or girl, especially if she (or he) is not getting attention at home.

This one just makes me fucking fall over in my chair in a fit full of giggles.

Again, it doesn’t matter if you’re laying there butt naked with his/her favorite dessert topping placed in your “special zones” or you’re all dolled up in some sexy lingerie……if they want to cheat nothing will keep them from doing it.

I tried many different things to keep the flame lite. I mean, seriously I even told one that if he wanted to bring another man in to the bedroom let’s go for it. It was more for him, not me. (It was a test really) I don’t fucking share. 

Don’t air the dirty laundry. Whether you’re sharing marital complaints with your office mate or with an online friend of the opposite sex, you may be setting the stage for an emotional affair. When you’re sharing more with a friend of the opposite sex than you do with your mate, you’ve crossed that line. Add in some physical attraction and you may even be heading towards a physical affair.

Emotional affairs,  I think are even more dangerous than physical ones because one can share so much with the other person. In some ways this allows you to become more vulnerable which makes for your soul to open up to the other person sharing your  innermost secrets, desires, passions and dreams. 

This is why it’s so important to communicate with your partner. Stop ignoring each other or assume that they know (or should know) what you are thinking. 

Step away from secrets. One sign of emotional infidelity is secrecy. If you (or your spouse) is keeping a “friendship” secret, the likelihood of an emotional affair increases exponentially. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to clean house of all your friends of the opposite sex. But, be upfront about the friendship.

Yeah, this doesn’t happen. 

Beware of crossing the line. Catching yourself if you’re heading into dangerous flirting territory. Consider if you’d be okay with your spouse sharing that slightly NSFW email or joke.

Again, it comes down to boundaries and standing behind your word to be honest and true to your partner. If you find that you are deleting messages so your spouse doesn’t see them or you’re sneaking off to meet up with someone other than your spouse/partner than it’s best that you reevaluate your life. 

If you can face your partner/spouse and  fill them with loving words and promises yet sneak and lie behind their back then you have no business in a relationship. 

True love doesn’t cheat. 

True love doesn’t lie.

True love doesn’t destroy hearts. 

It’s THAT simple. 

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