My life has been quite interesting to say the least, well interesting for me…probably quite boring to those wanderlust adventurous type. Sure, I haven’t backpacked through Europe or slept outside under the stars somewhere deep in the forest, see I have this thing about creepy crawlies. Ghosts I can handle, snakes and weird insects that can find their way into your sleepy bag….ya that’s a no go for me.
I guess some would say that I have been a little adventurous when it came to matters of the heart. They wouldn’t be wrong. It’s true. At one time nothing would have kept me from boarding a plane and meeting up with a man I knew for a weekend get away in New York or ditching work to drive three hours just to surprise a guy that I was dating with a nice homemade lunch or leaving everything behind and moving to another city/state because someone promised me forever. Looking back now, I was very reckless with my heart for the sake of finding something that these men claimed that they had. Love, for me. Which in truth never really was the case.
Well, let me take that back. Some may have had loving feelings for me. They too were probably caught up in the whirlwind of the newness between love and lust but when it came down to the nitty gritty of it all, love didn’t even stand a chance. In the thick of it I learned strength and stood my ground when the truth began to unravel but like a hopeful wanderer I continued to look for that holy grail. My happily ever after with that special someone to grow old with.
You know what’s funny? If only I would have just stopped for a moment and took a minute for myself I would have realized that I held that thing that I searched twenty plus years for in other men.
See, I held the key all this time.
I wish I would have known that the love that I sought was within me all along. It just took me to face quite a few inner demons and a handful of heartless cowards to realize this.
Life’s journey is never boring that’s for sure but for those who are searching for that great love…….let me tell you a little secret. Search within. Learn to love yourself, flaws and all unconditionally first and then once you do, those who come into your life afterwards are just a bonus.