As you all very well know by now, I have been doing my best to veer from negative bullshit and toxic people. I have submerged myself back into the things that I enjoy and try to experience new things that bring me to a level of calmness, joy and allows me a deeper connection with spirit/universe.
But with everything we seek Spirit/God and our guides like to test us to see if we mean what we have put out into the universe. For instance when you shout out, “I’m so tired of these assholes, I’m done with men….I’m going to take a break.” The universe/God hears you and then guess what happens days or even weeks later he throws Tom, Dick and very horny Harry your way. All the while waiting to see if you are truly being your authentic self or if you are just full of bullshit and can’t see through your own destructive behavior of thinking you deserve assholes. Remember the convo I had about stopping the bad destructive cycles?
Yes, I’m speaking from experience but have passed this test with flying colors within the last year. I was deflecting assholes (from my past) left and right like flipping Wonder Woman. I was in no rush to jump back into anything with anyone. I was serious when I meant that I was indeed, done.
So imagine my surprise when I received a text from a former spouse of one of my wasbands. The last time we had an exchange of words it didn’t end well. It was a shitshow of drama and bullshit…I’m being honest. So of course I took a deep breath upon reading her “urgent” request to call her. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and said to Spirit, “Really? Do you know what time it is?” I wasn’t quite sure if I really wanted to entertain the conversation or see what the universe had in store. I was tired, plus urgent to her was probably in no way on the same level of what urgent was to me. Also, the message had wasband #3 attached and I wasn’t in any rush to find out what was so urgent. Plus, if he was in any danger I would have already received a call by the ex sister in-law.
“What would Gabby do?” I thought to myself. “Hell, spirit guide what would you have me do?” I sat in silence for a brief minute and then dialed the number of a someone who I thought would be my voice of reason. What was I thinking, “Dude call her, find out what she wants…plus I’m nosy” was her response. Thanks for HELPING!
It was after getting off the phone that I sat on my bed and glanced at the statue of Hecate and then calmly asked for direction and that’s when I heard, Just protect yourself, you know how and by the way she found your blog. I laughed. Leave it to my guide to clue me in. She can’t hurt you. Remember to stay the course of your truth apparently my guide was nosy too. I grabbed my grounding oil, sage cleansing spray and protection spray. I grabbed my protection crystals and moved my rosary a bit closer. I allowed a white light to encircle me and laid out my request. I was armed as I ever was and I smelled pretty damn good to.
Did I go overboard? Maybe so but I sure as hell was not going to allow my bubble to be burst.
Side note to the former: if you are reading this….which I have no doubts that you are. I am speaking my truth. Don’t inform the media, it’s not bad.
I admit I was pretty impressed with her admission that she indeed was nosy and at times found herself typing my name into Twitter to find out what I had been up to but this time she came across a tweet of mine that directed her to my blog. (score 1 for my spirit guide he knows his shit) She proceeded to tell me that she read the post that I had written, I will not be silenced. Her now calm voice turned to sobs. She expressed sincere sadness. Something that I had never witnessed from her before.
Honestly, this took me by surprise.
Jolene, remember don’t judge, we all grow, listen with love. My guide was asking a lot but I understood him. I did my best to assure her that I was fine. I skimmed over the night in question because there was no need to recount it detail for detail when she had already read it plus, I try not to revisit that part of my life. It’s behind me now. Those demons were defeated and I’m in such a better place now.
We continued the conversation in a very adult manner. We cleared the air on a multitude of things and I shared my truth and feelings on certain instances to which I knew the full truth of the matter. It felt good to be heard without resistance. The biggest thing I wanted to clear up was the perception that she had of me ( which also was shared with her children) for over fifteen plus years.
“He told me you two were divorced and that you had moved to the East coast. I believed him. Why wouldn’t I? hell, he was dating other women before I was even in the picture plus my best friend wouldn’t have even introduced me to him if she knew that he was in fact still married. He portrayed himself as a single man. So labeling me was so unfair when it was him that was the deceiver to all of who he encountered.”
I know at the end of the day it truly doesn’t matter what their perception of me is. That chapter is done but it always bothered me that the man never was spotlighted as the betrayer, the liar, the cheater. I guess it’s easier to always blame the woman and pretend their husband is squeaky clean. Although, the eyes witnessed the truth many times over.
We spoke a little longer and I began to feel that we were just going around in circles revisiting things that were put to rest. She then very Southerly suggested a girls trip, honestly the first thing that came to mind was, “I’d rather have a back to back colonic and a Brazilian wax then submerge myself in a weekend of gossip and talk about the wasband.” but instead of agreeing to something that I knew was never going to happen, I diverted the conversation another direction.
“So this is going to stay between us, right?” she ask. I knew she didn’t want me running my mouth to the wasband which I told her that I have no desire to speak with him. I knew in my gut that she’d go tell her daughters, friends and probably the girls at the salon just like I told my best gals, the UPS man, several people at the local piggly wiggly and all of you.
The truth is, I was proud of us for having an adult conversation that didn’t end up in mud-slinging. Did I believe everything she said, there were times I questioned the validity of some things but that was only due to the nudge from my guide who calls bullshit when something isn’t right. (I seriously love him)
Will we become bff’s? no, but I do wish her the best.
But as you can see that with the right attitude and a shit load of protection spray anything is possible.
Forgiveness is the key!!!