Keeping it real with Jolene & Harlow



Hey there girly can you please do something about this cold? I’m freezing my fucking ass off over here?

Ok first off I’m pink….WTF is your color going to be?  We need to work on that.  AND yes it’s colder than a witches titty in a brass bra (I know I just felt mine) – H

Yep that’s cover model Nathan Weller. Eat your heart out you #Nerd fans.

First off, before we get to everyone else let me just say that I miss your flipping face and I can’t wait for our girls trip in a few months, New Orleans WATCH OUT!! If it’s anything like our trip to Nashville a few years back then holy hell…..but maybe this time try not to get yourself stuck in lingerie or else that shit is getting put on YouTube.

GIRL CODE much? Ugh lol.  But alas, that actually happened.  Just to clarify for everyone, girl code or GR was established back…how many years have we known one another now? Anyway, when one or the other says “girl code” you know automatically that anything they do or say past that point is not admissible in court, on the internet, or even to your freaking furkids. 

Girl code….seriously we need a new phrase. Like maybe a name of a wine, a fat girthy dildo or just Fred? whatcha think? ya know…..spunk it up some, put some pizzazz on our hush hush word.

Hmm. Penal Code LMAO. Sorry lol I’m here all night.  Don’t forget to tip your waitresses. 

img_6861So, many of you may know that Harlow and I have been knee-deep in the Indie book community for several years. We started off as book lovers turned book bloggers, to full fledge book pimpers and then beta readers but then little miss sassy pants over here took it even further and did some major PR for quite a few of authors. I seriously don’t know how you managed to keep your head on straight maybe it was the wine that helped you cope.

You do know me don’t you?  Back to the batshit crazy?  I think honestly it takes a crazy person to manage…well, all this freaking crazy!  You don’t want to climb into this head of mine.  Pretty scary stuff. Anywho yes, I started off in 2013 book blogging on (yes I shamelessly just plugged myself lol), I spent two lonely years interviewing and reviewing until I met you.  Then in 2015, I started my PR company, which I have since, dissolved.  It was too much freaking work with not enough money to justify it!  SOOOOOO, then I thought I’m going to write a book! That’s it!  Easy right? WRONG!  Three years, numerous form rejections, two requests for full copies of my manuscript, and two REJECTIONS for said request to my MS, I’m still not a published author. BOOO!  BUT! I’m not a quitter and I will continue to query and work on my craft.  I’m currently penning a new completely different novel (more details to come) that I’m SUPER excited about. 

Sadly, my love for indie and books has diminished some.  I think in 2015 EVERYONE and their uncle thought it was a good idea to write a freaking book, throw a shitty cover on it, skip the editing, and say “Yay!  I wrote a book!” SMH.  I feel I have to sort through too many bad to get to the good.  I feel sorry for the ones that actually put the time and effort into it.  Ok, shelving that rant for another time.

What have you been up to? – H

Well, besides being newly divorced (going on 2 months) and feeling better than I have ever been; soul wise not health wise but I’m working on it. Last year I stress ate now it’s time to get my body back.

Seriously, since being reikified – reiki’d my whole body has been healing from the inside out. I’m loving it but now my body is just making me pay every time I stick a piece of meat in my mouth. Get your mind out of the gutter, I mean animal meat not a penis. With eating veggies and healthy food I’ve been gassier than a dirty ass grandpa. Don’t worry I will try to get that fixed before New Orleans……if not just bring your Chewbacca mask with you.

It’s soooo happening.  We must have Cajun food woman! I do love me some Chewy!

But other than that, I’ve been totally submerged in clearing old baggage from my soul closet and man does it feel good!!

I have to say that I’m glad that we both decided to step away from book blogging for a little while an focus on ourselves. It’s just time to be a little selfish for once and make 2018 about us! Plus, together we are just a silly bunch gals who just have a lot to say. Trust me, we will be keeping it real here because there is nothing sexier than two women speaking their authentic truth and throw in a couple glasses of wine…..holy shit balls the truth will be flying out left and right!

Yep, I’m healing chakras at the moment. I’m making 2018 a totally transparent year for me.  No more hiding who I am.  I’m a goofball, I’m a geek, I like books.  The end. So, I striped the book part off of my blog and started, well talking about me.  Which is sooooo odd to me, since I’m really shy (stop laughing Jolene).

Shy my ass. You’re not shy. You were flipping entertaining truckers with your chewy mask while we were on our way to Nashville. Don’t believe a word she says……I’m the shy one. …… charmingly abrasive as you say, but with a twist of shy.

AND this reminds me.  I have a shitload of signed books and swag we should start giving away!!! Just pay shipping and handling and a special one time processing fee…I KID I KID.  I might put a few swag packs etc together for us to giveaway.  What do you think? – H

So we are 4 days into the new year….have you been sticking to your “It’s all about you” resolution?

Umm.  You want the truth or a lie?  Ok, I have 90% stuck with the resolution.  I did sneak on my email to check a “few” things and cruise Instagram.  What?  Don’t look at me like that!  I was getting ritual ideas. Brat. You love me :). – H

And totally not related, but how the hell do you save a post as draft in this freaking account? – H


I hope everyone pops in again next Thursday for Keeping it Real with Jolene and Harlow

Here is just a glimpse of what we will be talking about in the coming weeks…..

Love hard or not at all

Penis size….does it really matter? No, please don’t lol 

When in Rome, do as the Romans did ….. go “toy” shopping.

Should the other woman be to blame when the “married” guy lied about his status?

Why can’t you freaking wear white shoes before Memorial day?

The difference between the book blogging community vs. blogging community

A day in the life of Jolene and Harlow…god help us.

Truth or Dare … New Orleans style

And if there is anything that you would like for us to discuss leave a comment with your idea and we promise that we will keep it 100% real with a side of sass of course. 

Stay warm


Jolene and Harlow


Be sure to stalk Harlow over at her blog Home is Where the Wine Is!





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