The other night I was listening to a podcast by Gabrielle Bernstein and she spoke about living our authentic truth. I sat and wondered how many of you over the course of the last few days have shared your authentic truth over social media, blog posts and phone calls to family members or did you add a bit of fluff, a dash of sparkles and a few fog machines to give the illusion that you had the picture perfect Christmas holiday?
Do I believe everything I see on social media? hell no. Do I believe every smiley couples pose is authentic? fuck no. Many times I know full well what is truly going on behind the scenes but I get it, many of you want to let the world believe that you are indeed living the picture perfect life.
But I ask you this question, why are you afraid of showing your truth? What’s keeping you from being your authentic self? What is so wrong with the real you? I bet once you toss those masks to the side the person that’s revealed is pretty damn awesome. But I get it…..it can be scary to actually shed those falsehoods. Fuck, trust me…. I get it ….. hell I wasn’t my authentic self for many years, I pretended to be the perfect wife, with the perfect marriage, declared that I had the perfect husband….I’d post pictures of us on our trips and blog about my wonderful life in the country. In a way I was trying to convince myself and others that I was living the dream and to some extent I wanted to show those judgmental naysayers that life was fabulous. In reality, I was living in darkness with a spouse who was less than stellar, one who took me on a beautiful trip only because an ex of his would be at the same event we were going to be attending and during a drunken rant he declared his love for this person while he told me to shut up and listen. Did he remember his omission the next morning? of course not.
A drunken mans words are a sober mans thoughts.
Sure, I didn’t want people to judge me but they did regardless. To certain individuals I will always do wrong in their eyes (To them I will always be that immature person I was twenty/thirty years ago) but it came to a point where I was done living for them. I was done proving to them, I was DONE living a lie. Shit, its plain ass exhausting trying to pretend that everything is fucking great, when in truth it wasn’t. I refused to go to his family get togethers or his bike rallies because the person he acted like when all eyes were on him was the picture perfect, loving, affectionate husband but what they didn’t see was how cold, distant and down right mean he actually was when the door was closed…it was all an act and honestly in the end I was done with the mental mind fucks. I loved his family and his friends but I respected them too much to lie to their face, but he surely didn’t have a problem conjuring up some story of why I wasn’t with him.
Everyone leads three different lives, a public life, a private life and a secret life.
I made a promise to myself earlier this year to live more of an authentic life. It felt amazing to stop acting and just start living the life that I was always meant to live. To actually shed all those costumes and masks and live with the attitude of This is me, if you don’t like me, oh well and if you want to judge me for whatever reason without confronting me then that’s your problem, not mine. If you can’t see me for who I am TODAY and want to hold on to the past, that’s your problem….not mine. I’m living FOR ME.
For once I was able to breathe. I didn’t have to pretend anymore.
I’ve never claimed to be a perfect person. I have fallen down the rabbit hole more than a few times. I’ve experienced some very dark years. I have made some not so smart choices in my forty-three years. I have sought love for all the wrong reasons and fallen into the arms of those that may have not been one hundred percent available. Sure, I trusted in their word but I should have been smarter and removed the veil a lot sooner.
Many of you are probably coming up with a list of new years resolutions, ones you’ll break within the week and ones you will accomplish…..but why don’t you just toss that list aside and on a post it note write a promise to yourself.
and own it. If you must have a reminder at work, in your car, on your mirror, on the toilet, on your fridge THEN stick those reminders on anything you want. Shed those masks and love the real you. Don’t let ego or fear keep you from experiencing it either and stop keeping us from getting to know the kick ass amazing being that you are.
I look forward to seeing the real you very soon.