As the year comes to a close I have to say despite the turbulent beginning this year has been one of my favorites. Sure, the completion of the divorce was an added bonus but the fact that I stood my ground through the whole process and refused to be manipulated or scared off by his words or stall tactics made me feel as though I conquered Goliath.
- A word of advice: to those of you who are on the fence about divorce because you fear that your spouse my “rule” the courtroom or will threaten to keep the kids from you. Well, don’t buy into the manipulation or mental mind games. Just get an attorney who is fair, one who knows the law and who will have your back. Yes, your spouse may sling mud, throw mental daggers, use the kids against you and make you feel like shit……but when it’s all said and done, you will have peace of mind, you will have your sanity, you will have YOU back, the kids will still love you and most importantly you will have the satisfaction that you stood your ground and didn’t allow him/her to get away with their bullshit.
During those difficult months I had to learn to quiet my mind, to push the constant worrier part of myself aside. Seriously, some days I wished that I could have slipped her a xanex inside of a slice of chocolate cake but she is part of me regardless.
In the meantime, I wrote and read books but I refused to spend countless hours rereading those self help books that had been recommended to me by past marriage counselors. I didn’t need to know what my language of love was, because earlier this year it was my middle finger. I didn’t need to know how to survive after divorce because in all honesty I should be well versed in that one by now. All I needed was space and that consisted of four hundred miles.
What I found to quiet my mind and remove the toxic energies that still clung to my body was Reiki and yoga. So far I’ve tried Kundalini yoga and Holy Fire Reiki.
I’ve found that Kundalini Yoga is my favorite type of yoga. There is no real movement, you sit and chant. So there is no way of me pulling a muscle or over exerting myself. The days of downward facing dog, twisting oneself into a pretzel or planking to the point where I sound more like a naughty drunken sailor than a peaceful zen warrior are gone.
I’ve made a conscious effort to look up and give thanks for another day. I spent way too many days looking down and avoiding eye contact. I didn’t want others to see the pain or the dark circles under my eyes and I sure as hell wasn’t ready to smile. I still don’t have a handle on this thing called patience but I sure as hell heard “You just need to have patience” more than I would like. Patience, blah.
- A word of advice: It will get better….it may not seem like it right now, but TRUST ME. If you feel all mucky and weighted down please seek a reiki practitioner. Seriously, what do YOU have to lose? NOTHING. I promise that afterwards you will feel calmer, it will feel as though a huge weight as been lifted and the things that irritated the fuck out of you will not even cause you stress. I haven’t master patience yet so I don’t have any advice for that.
Being resilient pays off. Reawakening my inner warrior took a little bit of coaxing but once she came to life she was ready to kick some ass. My inner warrior goddess is a sword reeling ninja thankfully I don’t have the skills to match but my outer self, I’m more of a chillaxin in the corner drinking wine and burning sage type of badass…..but in the end I got things done. I’m happier now than I have been in years.
With all the struggles, hardships, golden friendships, faux friendships, lovers, wasbands, mistakes, fear, accomplishments and dreams that I have encountered through this journey I call life has only brought me to this moment in time were I am more awakened than ever before.
I have no regrets. Not a single one because for every bad choice I made or dirty frog I kissed I learned some valuable lessons, I gave fear the middle finger and continued up that mountain with a strong heart and a big ass smile.
I hope all of you have a wonderful day!!