Stop settling ….

A question that comes up often to me is, “Why have you settled? In many, if not all the relationships that you have had….you settled. Why?”

That’s a good question. Sure I could have listed off a bunch of things like:

  • boredom
  • the pickings were slim
  • the holidays were near
  • the good-looking ones were just egotistical so I decided to date not based on looks….NEWS FLASH, the not so good looking ones were egotistical as well.
  • I’m not perfect so why should I look for perfection…plus I shouldn’t be picky.
  • I thought I could help some of them.
  • He said he had his meds under control.
  • I had this idea that reconnecting with someone I went to high school with would turn out to be some corny, romantic, happily ever after story.
  • I also, thought reconnecting with someone I dated in 8th grade would end up in a happily ever after made for Lifetime movie. (He said he was getting divorced….nope he was just a liar and married.)
  • Penis size doesn’t matter.  (I drew the line on the pinky size penis)

and then once I was knee deep in a relationship that was well…….not the best or riddled with toxic bullshit sometimes I found myself making excuses for their behavior and my own.

  • We have children together.
  • What will our family think if we get divorced.
  • He won’t do it again.
  • I will just try to do better.
  • If I just have sex with him more and do all the nasty shit he likes, maybe he won’t cheat on me again.
  • I will just look the other way.
  • I will just clean the house the way he likes, park in the garage according to his measurements, make him dinner and lunch every day, be the perfect girlfriend/wife and he won’t yell at me, put me down, cheat or threaten me with a gun. I will do better.
  • I’m not deserving of a good man.
  • This must be my karmic debt.
  • He’s right, no one will want me so I might as well just stick it out.
  • It might get better.
  • He said he was sorry.
  • I was cranky so I deserved what I got.
  • What will people think if I have another failed relationship?
  • I’m just a failure

Does any of this sound familiar to you as well? can you relate? Looking back now, I can’t believe that I allowed myself to endure some of the assholes that I was with for the length of time that I was with them. Further more I can’t believe that I allowed myself to believe all those negative things about myself.  The biggest issue was that I got swept up in the newness, the romance, their lies and tall tales, I believed in their made up version of themselves and refused to take the blinders off until I was waist deep in the toxic muck.

Then…..it was having to deal with the opinions of others and by others I mean, not so close family members, or ex in-laws, their friends etc. I’ve heard the snide comments or judgments based on other people’s version of the truth.  If only they had the guts to approach me and express their feelings to my face I’d be glad to show them to a mirror so they can speak their own truth. They can dish out the judgments and low blows but boy coming face to face with their own reality is a tough one. Many of whom lead secret lives, have had numerous flings, who are abusive and calculating but yet they have no problem shining the light on someone other than themselves.

They can continue to live in their made up world of delusion and bullshit…..but I’m done. If I were ever to get into a relationship again I’m not settling. I won’t settle and the first damn excuse that comes out of my mouth defending his behavior then I’m out of there. I will not settle for nonsense. I’ve come too far to settle…..plus,

Life is too beautiful to settle for bullshit. 

Life is too precious to settle for being put down and treated like the moldy piece of bread that has been rotting in the dumpster. 

I deserve a life that is full of love, happiness and someone who adores the fuck out of me and so do YOU. 

I owe it to myself to experience that overwhelming love that makes me cry and feel ultimately blessed every freaking day of my life and so do YOU!

I deserve to come home and be wrapped up in the arms of the one I love and feel protected and safe. 

Life is amazing when you don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. 

Stop making excuses……grab a hold of what you deserve. 

Reach out to that person that makes your heart pound and tell them you love them. Don’t be a coward. Just do it. Seriously, life is too short. 

Live YOUR life. Make 2018 a year you can be proud of. 

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2 thoughts on “Stop settling ….

  1. Although this entry makes me sad, it also reminds me that it is not a crime to look back at past relationships and remember the good times as well. Looking back and merely reflecting on the negative will fuel hate that will burn you up inside. There are learning lessons in every past relationship, good or bad, and it’s how you apply what you’ve learned to future relationships that will enable love to flourish. I know you won’t agree with my sentiments on this matter Jo, but just remember, some people that may have seemed like the anti-Christ to you, can change over time for the better. -MM

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