Please tell me why so many of us feel that we can’t be our true authentic self? Why are so many of us afraid to share our passions, beliefs or thoughts with those whom we love? Is it fear of judgment? Is it because we think they will think its silly, stupid or off the wall? whatever it is, we need to stop. We need to love ourselves regardless of what others may think. Seriously, look at yourself and say “I’m fucking awesome!” Easier said than done right?
Trust me, I get it and I was in the same spot and in some ways, still am….but little by little I am coming into my own and being my true authentic self. For the first time in over ten years I don’t feel as though I need to hide who I am, I don’t need to mold into the person someone else thinks I should be. I actually like who I am and the person that I’ve become through all my mistakes and rocky journey. I embrace my scars, especially the ones you can’t see. For those are the ones that have made me stronger.
I’ve witnessed many friends and acquaintances hold back parts of themselves from their partner, spouse, family and even friends because of fear of judgment, being ridiculed, or made fun of so instead they hide their passions and conform into the person that is expected of them.
“It’s better to be silent than to speak my truth, my word doesn’t hold any bearing anyways.” a close friend said to me recently but I totally understood where she was coming from….when one is not heard in their marriage or in their relationship they just retreat within.
“My wife just mocks me when I want to talk about my experiences. So I’ve learned to shut that part of me off from her. Jolene it’s sad that I can’t be me around her. She doesn’t even care to know the REAL me.”
“I have a hiding spot for my books and journals. He just doesn’t understand.”
“I want to be a writer but my partner thinks it’s a waste of time so I guess I will just continue working in this job that sucks my soul dry…I have no purpose.”
I resonated with each one of the statements that my friends shared with me over the years, hell I couldn’t be my true self in my marriage. I hid my interest for the elements, my books where hidden behind other genres that lined my bookshelf and cards hidden for fear of being misunderstood or accused of being something I wasn’t. I knew the wasband wouldn’t understand, heck we went round and round over a topic about animals having souls, with my closing statement being, “Uhm have you ever watched All Dogs Go to Heaven and I guess you will be eating crow when you see Fido at the pearly gates.” I really wanted to say “hell” but I knew to bite my tongue. His “my way or the highway” dictatorship was pure bullshit. I had to be the quiet little wife who did as he said when he demanded or else. Conversation was limited to only him because that’s who he deemed was important. No one else.
Seriously? who are we to make our partners or loved ones feel like they can’t be themselves. Wasn’t it their charming, bubbly personality that won us over to begin with? What ever happened to unconditional love? it seems to me that love these days comes with a butt load of conditions…..one of which is “you need to change into the person I want you to be.” or else.
What it all boils down to is fear.
- Fear to stand on our own two feet.
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of losing the love of your life. But TRUE love encourages, NOT discourages. *remember that*
- Fear that we won’t survive on our own.
- Fear that others will think less of them if they choose to lead with their heart.
- Fear that their family will stop loving them.
- Fear is a mother fucker. Sorry if that offends you, but I speak from the heart.
- Fear screws with your thoughts.
- Fear holds you back from attaining your true potential.
- Fear weaves it’s madness inside your head and convinces you that things will go horribly wrong.
Let me tell you something, just once ….. give fear the middle finger and take that step into greatness.
I’m nowhere near perfect, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes but I have a problem with those who cast judgement when they don’t know the full story or they conjure up and spin what they think is the truth to benefit themselves and in doing so it makes them feel better.
Don’t judge someone based on your own ignorance.
But for those who have judged me for my past without knowing the full story, or made me feel that I couldn’t be my true self. I’ll pray for you……ohhhh who am I kidding, fuck you.
*trust me, that’s coming from a place of love*
To the ignorant person who grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth….well let me just say some people aren’t as lucky as others. Some actually have had to learn to survive and pick themselves up rather than have their parents to it for them. Continue to lead the make-believe life you want others to think you live. For you are only hurting yourself and holding your family back from living out their true potential.
For the misinformed sad pathetic fool continue to believe what you want to for your opinions of me hold no weight. Spin the story as much as you’d like but I know the truth and so does he.
I ask those who hold their friends, spouse or family back due to your own issues, please look in the mirror first and own up and face your own truths before you condemn others. Let them live THEIR life. Allow them to shine. Don’t hold them back because of your doubts and fears for those are YOUR own demons that need to be conquered not theirs. Stop projecting your own insecurities onto them.
These are all lessons and truths that I’ve had to learn but owning them is different and so fucking empowering. So many people can’t own their truth and it’s because of the excuses we conjure up inside our own heads. Just humble yourself and own it. Believe me once you do, you will be able to breathe.
Ask yourself this …. why are you allowing the opinions of others (spouse,partner, family) keep you from experiencing your true authentic self? They aren’t walking in your shoes or sharing your body. Remember this is YOUR life so LIVE it. Be YOU. Lastly, if someone doesn’t love you for YOU then why keep them in your life ? What purpose does their negativity play in your life? Open yourself up and allow yourself to shine and once you do the universe will plop you right smack dab where you belong.
Trust me ~
You’re fucking worth it!!!