The Grandmothers club ~Members only

7357526ba0977b20bada209b13ecc25dI admit, I’m a bit jealous of three of my girlfriends right now. They are becoming grandma’s like any minute, well one was inducted into the grandma club a couple of weeks ago and the other two will join her in a couple of weeks.  Strike that…while  I was writing this one of my best friends just told me that her daughter is being induced as we speak, so she will be entering the grandmothers club within the next 24 hours.

*Seriously freaking out right now*

I’m over the moon excited!! I’m so tempted to book a flight to Georgia just to keep my bestie company but I know that too many people in the room would probably be overwhelming.

Which brings me to the point of this post, why do in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, second and third cousins and Billy Joe Bob from the county market think that they should be invited to the birth and that it’s okay to pull up a seat, crack open a beer and watch the blessed event? It’s not the super bowl, Johnny’s basketball finals or little Mary Jo’s ballet recital……it’s a live birth, with the mother’s vag on display.

Sure, I get it…..reality shows love to document the live births of their stars, THANKS Kourtney!  but that’s them. They have the luxury of their make up crew and stylist tucked away in the bathroom and they have an editing department….what you don’t see is what is left on the cutting room floor. What you don’t see is the true reality.

Do you realize that the mother will most likely shit herself while she is in labor? yes, seriously and sometimes not just once.

There’s also a good chance she will let one rip while she pushes. This is the time to just ignore it. Pretend it didn’t happen.

There is a lot going on down yonder that doesn’t resemble what you may have seen on the farm, shits a lot different from Bessie the cow giving birth to her calf. BIG difference, at least Bessie never cursed, well I’m assuming she didn’t …..seeing that I’ve never been in ear shot while a cow was in labor. But the sweet little girl who never cussed in her life will most likely turn into a dirty old sailor before your eyes. So don’t be surprised if you hear her throw out a few F words.

But here’s the thing. If the soon to be mother just wants her husband in the room. Let her. If she just wants her husband and her mother, that’s her prerogative. Don’t make her feel guilty or throw a pity party………it’s her choice. It’s her moment. It’s her vagina. She has the right to choose who she wants in that room. It’s a private moment. Let her have that. You will have plenty of time snuggling up with that little bundle of sweetness soon enough, so chill and relax in the lobby with the rest of the crew.

I sure as hell wouldn’t have wanted a room full of people while I was pushing out an 8 pound baby. Granted, everyone saw everything anyways when a stack  of Polaroids were  shared among the family members in the waiting room. I can’t even begin to tell you how mortified I was when I found out that my grandma, uncles, cousins, mother, father and then some saw everything, and by everything I mean my hoohah expanded with my daughters head emerging from it. Yeah NOT the sight I wanted my family to see, that’s why they were in the waiting room during the blessed event!!

But please stay in the waiting room and if the soon to be mother and father want you to see the blessed event, I’m pretty sure she will be setting up a Facebook live event or Facetiming you all.


Until then ladies, keep it classy!


One thought on “The Grandmothers club ~Members only

  1. I totally agree! It’s lovely all the relatives are excited about the new baby, but birth isn’t a spectator sport. If the mom wants privacy, she should get privacy–end of story. (And I can’t even imagine how I would’ve reacted if my ex had shared intimate photos of the event afterwards.)

    Liked by 1 person

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