Finding my zen

0e4cf8c8d7df8c7eec3ae56fba1d73c6When I left the wasband last December I moved in with a lady who had an extra room available for me to stay in. Grateful for the offer I accepted. It was only temporary until I could find my own place but it was still a place far away from HIM.

I soon realized that living with someone else who had their quirks and questionable routines was something I had to get use to. For example,  I’m used to keeping things tidy she didn’t see the problem with leaving her dirty plates out on the counter for days at a time.  The majority of the time I spent my time in my room with my furkids. Depression started to set in and I knew I had to make a change soon.

Moving into my own place was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. Sure I didn’t have much but I had a bed, I had my writing desk, a few of my books, my furkids and most importantly my sanity. I wasn’t in a rush to fill it up, plus at the time money was tight…..severely tight. At times I would want to focus on what I didn’t have and get angry with the wasband but in an instant I’d feel a nudge as if my guardian angel hit me upside the head and said “open your eyes and see what you do have” which was a beautiful CLEAN kitchen, space for the furkids to run, a clean mold free bathroom with a tub I could take a bath in without having to worry I’d contract some disease in,  I had a balcony that I could sit out on and watch the birds and squirrels as they came to visit and snack on the bread that I would leave out for them. Most importantly, it was quiet. The silence was beautiful.

I made it a point every day to focus on the good instead of my hardships. “Jolene it could be worse, you could still be living with him….under his rules and dictatorship” that normally snapped me out of my funk.

img_5328In the last couple weeks, I’ve been able to make my home more of a HOME. I started with my bedroom. Gone were the days of black, grey and drab colors, I wanted color. I wanted to smile every time I stepped into my room and now I have that. It’s me. It’s not what I think someone else may want, or what I think I should have because I’m forty something,  its ME. Every purchase I have made for my home took thought. Sure, my living room still needs some work but the book shelves will come but I’m in no rush.  Plus, carrying heavy items up three flights of stairs can be a challenge but I can tell you that I’ve entertained many who have seen me carrying six bags of groceries and other items to the front door, fiddle around with my keys as I strategically place a box on my hip while opening the door hoping not to drop anything and then huff it up three flights of stairs only to be welcomed by my sweet furkids who insist I drop what I’m doing and take them outside so they can take care of business.

Life is good.

Life is peaceful.

 

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